Just because I am Christian does not mean I have all the answers

In fact it means just the opposite and that I am admitting my imperfection… my humanity.

I am swimming in a sea of I don’t knows at the moment. I am being torn asunder and plunged into eddies beneath the visible surface, struggling to breathe.

God is my lifeline but over the last few weeks it feels as though the boat I am being tugged behind has a line too long or the raft attached just not buoyant enough to stay above the choppy surf.

I can’t afford the house payment this month. I have to get another housemate. I did not get the job that would solve my financial woes and yet again I feel helpless and useless…. a dead weight to my parents. I am willing to do almost anything and everything to make it but my health limitations, because let’s recognize them for what they are, hinder me from a broad span of them.

I am two years at a job that feels like it is sucking my soul out- I have never been at a job so unprofessional with such vindictive evil people and I try to love, I pray, and I wonder why I am here. The people here seem to hate the light and dislike me for reaching out to customers and being real.

I would go back to selling glasses but I need healthcare as my depleting savings/checking are a consistent reminder, 6 visits to different doctors and an ER visit later last September, through May of next year (just under tax exemption so ended up paying IRS to discover 2 months later and too little too late had the system been faster I would probably have been paid by the IRS). Add that to a house and car payment and utilities and my 40 hr job just doesn’t cut it anymore. I would be a server but… crosscontamination with celiacs is a real concern in that industry. No delivering pizzas for me.

I feel myself being called to work with children, that I am to use my gifts… but how? My money is His money… but what to do when it seems you are at empty? He is able, I am grateful… I have food and my parents will let me borrow… but what of next month when my housemate pays nothing on rent because it is her last month and she already paid for it?

I remove myself from the IMpossible and pray to let Him take over and allow it to be POSSIBLE.

I know it is when we are at our weakest that He can seem and be the strongest.. so I really feel about now that would be amazing.

He knows the plans He has for me. I have a dream and a hope and I am trying to keep my joy because it is a choice… I have to hand it over to the thief for him to attain it.


A Prayer for All of Us

Thank you for giving me what I need and not what I want. Sometimes You give me the nutrients instead of the dessert and I think I am lacking. What I do not realize is that You are shaping me… The me before the me now was shapeless and base… a part of the mire destitute and unsightly.

But then, You removed the muck and added purity to draw out the precious metals and gems in my depths- of You… before our imperfections. Now I begin to see the need of You and those around me also of the mire. There are those who see themselves more than the other pots when they are not of you… they are of coal and black and festering.

You call us to be more of You, less of us. I cannot cast stones for I was lost and bound to death but You gave Life… and You continue to those who seek it. I pray that You lead us in these times of need to You. This strife burdens my heart and I cry out to You- You are powerful, able, and awesome. I do not understand but Your grace, Your love is more than I could ever fathom. You are unchanging and steadfast in the gales which buffet my soul.

Turn our eyes towards You- draw us near and let us not lose sight of the goal and gift of life with You. I pray for my brothers and sisters taken, that they be under Your wing and protection. Those in Your hands cannot be plucked out. satan has already lost and I pray these children not. I weep for those in loss but hope they find Your grace.

I come as I am, as all of us must… for what can we give the Author of Life? Let us not lose sight of the real threat and remember that we cannot fight alone… When You are for us, who can be against us? I pray for the families, friends, and spouses- not just of Orlando but all Your people. Let us forget skin, preference, and let us remember… a servants’ heart… A servants’ love.

We are all one race: humanity ~~~ Prince of Egypt
ALL lives matter.

Rebecca St. James
You’re the Voice:

This time, you know we all can stand together.
With the power to be powerful believing, we can make it better.
We’re all someone’s daughter, we’re all someone’s son.
How long can we look at each other down the barrel of a gun?

You are the voice, try and understand it.
Make a noise and make it clear.
We’re not gonna stand in silence.
We’re not gonna live in fear.

It is not about guns… it is not about gay… it is not about the choices we make… we are His children and the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He comes to pit us against each other when he is the real enemy… but we are not able to fight him on our grounds.



Pay it forward. We were given the ultimate gift- now to pass it on.

On another note people have requested updates for Heather, but she is distant. She has recovered very much but I know nothing beyond that. Another friend’s mother passed away from colon cancer and my cousin passed away from pancreatic cancer so I thank and ask for continued prayer for their families. He is good. He is Faithful and He is able.
Though it may not be the answers we want He does answer prayer… sometimes with a no, sometimes a not at this time, or sometimes it is that He has something so much better ahead.

He is Faithful

Thank you so much everyone for the prayers for my housemate’s daughter. She had entered a coma from sepsis and is making a recovery. Her kidneys were back up to approximately 10% and doctors are miffed because not only was she functional but she was speaking.

He is Faithful and He is able. Also another prayer was answered for a friend this week but will not go into detail.

Live, Laugh, Love

Prayer request for a friend

My housemate is leaving urgently back home and requested if I know people to please pray for her daughter who is ill, has been ill for a long time.

She is experiencing kidney failure.

I pray that God places His hands of healing on her- whether it be of spirit and or physical healing. I know He is capable and for His glory.

I also pray for comfort of her and her family in this time.

Thank you and God bless,


The Relativity of Time

The Relativity of Time

We are measured by time… age… success in relation to age… beauty… what are all these things?

God is timeless…ageless… We cannot fathom the concept of eternity. We think we know but we cannot until we cross over that threshold of this life to the next.

Until recently I was very confused.

Amazing Grace

Verse 1:
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see…

Verse 5:
When we’ve been there ten thousand years bright shining as the sun,
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise than when we’d first begun.

Our brains work mathematically & scientifically… It is a blessing and a curse… blessing in that it has allowed us leaps and bounds into the industrial ages and a curse in that somehow it appears the more smarts we have… the more we look to visible, concrete, palpable facts and less in faith.

I was watching House one night. I like and dislike the character. I am a very emotional person that follows my heart- I sense the feelings of another… One friend says I see everything and does not say much in regards to his feelings, determining I accurately depict them.

I, however, have my failings… I become too blinded the closer to a situation I am in, particularly the romance department. I have been told I am “too nice”- that I am too forgiving and/or leanient. What better way to “fix” this issue than to watch House, a bitter fantastical genious that, more often-than-not, is correct in people’s reasonings?

I still believe in true love- are we humans capable of the purest kind?
Alone, no.

Through Christ?

So, I still have my very strong disagreements with this show.

The particular episode in question…

A man was in a car accident and for 97 minutes he was medically dead. He comes into the clinic for what appears a follow up and an unsuspecting Gregory House MD enters his clinic duty room to see the man instert a knife into the wall socket.

The man collapses and “codes.” House calls for the nurses, eyebrows raised in a wonder-induced stupor.


Later the man comes to and House just has to know what this surely mentally ill person was thinking.

“I was dead for 97 minutes… and it was the most beautiful 97 minutes of my life.”

Per usual House is meticulously searching for a cure with his small but diverse group of doctors to an ellusive diagnosis and you see it eat at his consciousness until he can take it no longer. He too, insterts the knife into the socket- first having paged one of his team for defibrilator duty… all so he can test the theory that the man was incorrect.

Of course he sees nothing, experiences nothing.

Frustrated, I pause it and begin a search on youtube. I can’t belive I never have before now.

I have a friend that experienced a heart attack- the type being so severe it is known as “the widow maker.” God was looking out for him, no other way to describe it.

The defibrilator’s batteries were dead and switched out less than three weeks before his brush with death.

He had been feeling off the whole day, walking up and down flights of stairs to wait on tables. He sought out a friend with medical experience that told him it sounded typical of a heart attack.

He returns to duty and collapes…

He had no pulse… a coworker begins CPR and someone calls 911. They get the defibrilator with new batteries and shock him, up to six times, and he comes back briefly.

Emergency crews arrive and take over, transporting him to the hospital, losing him again.

Later he makes a recovery- he is given a very strict diet… but the chance of survival, told by his doctor, is nearly non-existant. He had experienced “sudden cardiac arrest.”

Miracles can and do still happen.

Samaritan’s Purse, a Christian organization dedicated to reaching the corners of the world posted a story that broke my heart but also made it sing.

A woman had to return home for paperwork and was stranded when a tornado  was sighted. She rushed to a house and began frantically beating the door in hopes of finding shelter. No one answered so she clutched the porch post and hung on for dear life.

Every house around them was decimated but the one she clung to.

She later came to their set up seeking provisions. The Samaritan’s Purse team told her about God, His love for us, and she, teary eyed, said they had a new sister in Christ- that God saved her because He knew they would be there that day.

Why and how does this happen?
I do not know- only God does.

Is it fair?
Many ask this.

I refuse to answer such a dangerous question bordering on the premise to claim I do know.
What I can claim is this…

There are stories out there with too many “coincidences” to be dismissed and considered fallable.

There is more to life than the drudgery of wake, work, eat, work, home, and sleep. This is why we seek purpose and love. We just fill the void, unsuccessfully, with the wrong stuff.

A man is flying- he does NOT believe in God. He is an adrenaline junkie. The plane crashes… he and the pilot are stuck in the cockpit. They are covered in gasoline and burning alive. Not only did they crash into the tree at over 100 miles an hour, but they are living through perhaps the worst possible pain imaginable.

The other passengers have already broken free but realize they, the man and pilot, are still trapped. His friend, unnamed, grabs his seat belt, 2 ton strength, and rips it with his bare hands. His thumbs are torn out of socket but he pulls his friend out still on fire.

He dies… but it is not the end. Listen to his amazing story, only ten minutes, here.

No one told him about God and Jesus as their personal savior but he was given a second chance.

He and countless more claim to pass over death’s threshold. I have been to Haiti… I have heard and seen Voodoo priests in action.

Here, only 12 minute video, is the testimony of a Voodoo priest that did not believe in Christ- that satan was more powerful… and he was persecuted in a terrifying way by satan… but God conquered.

The Power in Words– specifically in the name of Jesus.

There is a commonality.

Perhaps Hell is different per person. I do not know.

What I do know is that it is the absence of God.

That loneliness we feel in this life is nothing according to the first-hand accounts by these people.

Another commonality they share is the absence of time… or rather the presence of a different passing of it. They knew that they knew what they knew…

They felt God’s judgement passed, sense of justly and not wrongly, on them as they slowly made their way to the bowels of hell led by disguised demons was just because they knew it to be so.

No longer were they conformed to the knoweldge passing or preconceived notion of justice in this world.

There is God and the absence of and, according to them, it is the worst thing they have ever felt and are unable to put into words a life beyond without Him. The gentleman given second life after the plane crash said it is so bad that he would not wish it on hisworst enemy.

How horrible… to know that we failed… a man went to the precipice of Hell not knowing the love of Christ for him. God loves ALL sinners– a concept the Pharisees could not or would not allow themsleves to grasp. How many of us are like the Pharisees? The Pharisees were meant to be leaders and guide the Israelites to God but, instead, they adorned themselves and kept the outward appearance and prayed visibly and did their works publicly to come across as authentic and had no love for those hurting and needing help.

Ephesians 2:8

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God

But God loved him enough- so much so- He allowed him enlightenment in death and gave him grace enough to return and make different choices.

Are they silent?

Sometimes I think the reason prayers are not answered is that we Put God in a Box. Let go of your inhibitions, pre-conceived notions. Put down your anger, bitterness, ill-will, and resentment towards our fellow men and siblings in Christ.

He calls us to more. Can we take our birth into True Life and let the rest remain in darkness? Is this love? Do we wish to? Will this go without punishment? Dare we think “God’s got them” and chance their eternity on that presumption?

We are not needed for the furthering of God’s Kingdom. It is a gift. Oh the marvelous gift to share His glory among the nations- to be part of the greatest adventure.

I Dare You to Move ~Switchfoot

I dare you to move like today never happened,
Today never happened before.

Another danger we face in the Church, not the building but the people who make it up, and as non-believers is getting hung up on details that prove minute in the grand scheme of things. The argument of the legitimacy versus fallability of something becomes our priority.

Don’t put God in a box!

Some people think Jesus was a raving lunatic.

Some believe that Jesus was not the Messiah.

Some believe the Bible inaccurate.

How is it that archaeologists have no qualm using it for historical geographical accuracy, but, as soon as we go to presume the teachings to be true they are legends and fabrications?

How is it we can believe God to have created everything but He is not powerful enough to ensure the Bible be written correctly because it is written by mere humans, beings He made?

Can He not then orchestrate the perfect literature?

We have to use a lightyear (5.88 trillion miles) as a ruler to get around in the universe He created.

Don’t just take my word for it.


Questions for reflection- which I ask myself. I gave up gaming and hope to leave it behind all together. I do not wish to go and face Him on that day and think I did not do enough, could have done more. I know there is.

How are you helping to further the kingdom of God?

Not? What is holding you back?

What is it you are letting preceed God in your life- that you are in turn saying is bigger than God?

Tell your problems how big your God is.

Is there someone you need to forgive?

How can you use your gifts?

Live, Laugh, Love

Don’t Put God in a Box

Don’t Put God in a Box

First off, He will not fit.

Trust me.

Us trying to comprehend His full majesty, splendor, power, and abilities is like an ant trying to scale the Eifle Tower.

We do what I like to call putting God in a box.

My closest friend who I have mentioned anonymously on numerous occasions was put in my life for a reason. I believe I am in his for a reason. As of yet it has not fully come to realization.

I felt in the beginning that it would be romantic but was very upset to discover him at the time and possibly forever out of my reach and more upset with God that He could allow me to develop feelings for someone out of reach.

This was also four and a half years ago.

First, I was prideful. I was suffering in the aftermath of my being raped by a man who had claimed for a full two years to love me, cherish me, and seek out a mutually respectful marriage.

I had reeled in depression for well over a year. The first man I even had an inclination towards would never, could never, love me and to find that out was crushing. I had been given a book, Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers, as a gift from my mother. It is loosely and a bit more relatable with developed characters representing Hosea and how God told him to take an unfaithful wife.

She was a woman in red, a prostitute, and he made sure to tell God… like God needs telling… and He comes back to say she is Israel, God’s people, whom He seeks after in love over and over. We, His people, run and give ourselves to lust, idolatry, and selfish desires over and over but he still seeks us out and wishes us to return to Him.

There is no sin too great for His love to cover. This is one of the biggest, most troublesome, and successful lies that satan whispers to us. All it took was the one sacrifice by Jesus Christ, our Savior, and we are His.

Like Hosea, I told God- more like angrily ranted- initially it being lost on me how the pain I felt was only a fraction of what He feels for His lost people. We turn from Him every day, even numerously in a single day, and the pain we cause… over and over, but He seeks us out. He chases after us.

I must say this was sobering and a humbling experience. My feelings remained present but I strove to be a friend. He and my female friend, a mutual one of ours, were the only people aside from my family by God’s grace holding me together in the aftermath of my rape. I only hope I can do as much as they have for me.

I felt like he was my Ninevah, that I was Jonah which in a way I was with all my pride and declarations… I wanted nothing to do with the pain of being there for him at my expense. I look back now and see the blessing for having him in my life. I am not proud of it but I hoped that he would do something to enable me to hate him, a bit strong, or at least dislike him so I could get over my hang up.

That just spoke more on my shortcomings, not his. He has never intentionally hurt me- the one time he had was not something even needing offense be taken at and he saw the pain he caused and immediately apologized. I was inwardly cursing because, if anything, it endeared him more to my heart- because, he is himself. He is all the things that make up him- honest, encouraging, relating, and empathetic… things he should be and I rejoice in God that he is these things for God.

I prayed over and over for God to remove this from me- that if it not be His will to separate it as far from me as the East from the West. He is capable by any means.

But this was my putting God in a Box.

I prayed out of selfishness. I even distanced myself from him perhaps at his expense and I feel I failed him miserably as a brother in Christ.

Sometimes God will not answer prayers, or rather He does but not in the way we wish or expect. We are called to humble ourselves and seek out His will above all else. We are called to put our neighbors and brothers and sisters before ourselves, a servant’s heart after the Greatest Servant.

I failed.

The feelings are still there but recently the pain went away. They were even present before, in, and after my cancelled engagement but I was willing to put them aside and devote myself wholeheartedly to he who would be my husband should my fiance do the same.

I am not here to talk on my exfiance’s shortcomings… again we are all sinners, we all fail. I only pray for and wish him the best in all things and also can only hope that I did not do more damage than good.

God can use the bad for good.

If my mother’s abusive ex husband had not left her expectant with a two year old where he did she may never have met the man, my Dad, and had me or the life she lives now.

If my brother had not attempted suicide he would never have moved away four hours and met the woman of his dreams and love of his life or had his three beautiful and loving children.

If I had not been raped by the online predator I would not have left my job and been ready nor accepting of the friendships I developed with my two closest friends.

If what happened to my mother and my brothers being painfully neglected by their absent father I may not be as understanding of what my friend is currently going through. I do not claim to fully understand. I only hope and pray I am somewhat of a consolation in his struggles.

I have been recently watching more of Louie Giglio’s stuff- he has sermons online for a church he founded. To quote him:

We each have a comeback story.

He mentions the famous parable that even most non-believers know… that of the prodigal (lavished) son. He tells it in a way I, having attended in the church my whole life, have never heard before.

I will not be able to do it the same justice so I will just refer everyone to go check it out for themselves here.

We focus so much, incorrectly so, on which brother had the right idea… The one who was ever faithful by duty that did not rejoice when the brother that left and came back had returned and repented.

No… the story was about God, the Father, and how, even with the son that left essentially claiming his father dead to him, the dad still wanted him back… loved him enough to run and welcome him with open arms.

This is how much He loves us.

This is the example we are called to live out. One of the videos, I believe still part of the comeback series, by Louie Giglio also mentions how sometimes marrying and having children can negatively affect our pursuits of God’s particular callings.

Don’t get me wrong that they are not blessings- keep reading please.

We as singles and chasing after Christ believe in seeking Him out, being fearless up to a point but, as, soon as we are married and have our own children, we wish to protect them, rightfully so. Sometimes we become too protective and in our comfort zone in trying to safeguard our children that we miss things we are called to do.

He encourages us to involve our, collectively as I do not have any, children in ministries and witnessing our prayers and living out God’s calling. Invite them into that which we did before them and, hopefully, continue to do so that they become equipped warriors of God.

Yes, we are called to lead them and protect them but we are also given a special role to be stewards of their hearts and faith.

It is a beautiful and demanding stewardship but I imagine it to be the most rewarding… perhaps some day.

I was just offered a position at a church to help with the children’s ministry and I think I would love it. I know it would be a challenge, but I hope one I can only do to the best of my ability, more importantly through God.

Seek Him out in prayer, worship Him all day long. Speak to Him when you are troubled… Know that He has plans for you and it does not matter if you are praying in anger or hurt- He is bigger and can handle all of your pain and baggage.

Don’t believe me?

Watch I’m just not that into you by Louie Giglio on youtube.

Do not lose heart, Dear One.

Live, Laugh, Love

The Power in Words

The Power in Words

Something I stated to a friend the other night resonated with me. I felt God was using my own words to make me reflect on my choices and relationships. Be careful what you ask for in prayer because when you do… you get practice. I happened to pray for God to grant me eyes to see what He does, hurt for the hurting as he does, and to love as He loves.

Right now I have been happier than ever before, truly feeling I am experiencing the Peace and Joy of God, our Creator. I despaired and feared before for years, no other way to put it.

My words were of someone who wronged him, someone he said he needs to make amends to.

My response: “God’s not done with them yet.”

He sighed, giving me a look of agitated recognition. With a hint of sarcasm not truly felt, “Why’d you have to say that?”

“Maybe,” I felt the words surge out of my mouth without really thinking- really, they just flowed on out like I was not even saying them. “Maybe you are the key to them being able to forgive them-self.”

A face came to mind, a him… actually there are a few hims in my past that came to mind. The irony was not lost on me… If my friend only knew I was inwardly laughing at the irony as I shared his sentiments.

I, too, once felt worthless. I once saw myself as unlovable. Now, I recognize I am priceless. I have no eyelashes. I am not done with my post in progress, Eyelashes on the Mirror, but it spoke of pain… this person is hurting. Hurting people hurt people.


Ok, God. What are you saying?

It felt that was not just directed at my friend… but me. And it is weighing heavily on my mind. What if that one wrong you cannot let go is the same regret and shame that is keeping a person from recognizing the Creator as their Savior? What if your words of forgiveness are the balm they need to heal- to be able to come into the Kingdom of God?


Saw this picture on Pinterest.

Ouch, God.

But, really- What if you are the only one, given by God, who holds the key to offer them eternal life through our Father?

Can you really let go and say God’s got this and forgo any thought or words of comfort to this person? Do you feel that is Christ’s way? Can I pass it off as all right and chance their shot at eternity?

Woah, what a thought.

I got my eternity but I won’t extend my forgiveness for what you did to me…

The wages of sin, ALL SIN, is death. I was set to die for my sins too.

God does not need us to further His Kingdom. It is a gift, one we can accept or turn down. The Bible is very clear of forgiving in order to be forgiven. What then of Grace, the Real Cinderella Story?

When my memories of molestation flooded my brain in middle school it was terrifying. I remembered the colors of his plaid boxer shorts, I remembered him touching me, I smelled the smells, and felt and saw everything like it was happening again. Before this I had no recollections, not a single one.

You cannot escape memories. You can close your eyes and hold yourself and whisper it is ok, but the ghosts, of that hand and his voice will never fade- not fully.

As a result, I began to pluck my eyelashes. It was a vicious cycle. They stopped growing back as fully or well and easily fell out. The numbers grew less and less and I felt I was ugly at my own hand, self-mutilation, and I hated the girl I saw in the mirror.

I would have a negative thought for every eyelash pulled and… when I would come to clean the mirror I would count hundreds of them on the paper towel, every single one tied to a negative thought of myself.

I had no idea we have so many eyelashes.

What is more, I had no idea someone could have so many negative thoughts and it was horrific I was seeing all of mine manifested with a numerical representation.

I knew I was at fault for my own insecurity and yet I could not stop. Friends and kids asked alike, “Why don’t you have eyelashes?”

I began to wear makeup- by age 13 I wore black eyeliner and, to this day at age 27, I do not leave the house without it. I can count how many people, on one hand, that have seen me without.

I remember vividly seeing Passion of the Christ, also knowing that the most scary kinds of horrors to us are the ones that most resemble humans, and saw the woman who played satan without eyebrows. I felt monstrous.

The eyeliner started out thick and I got better at perfecting the curvature along my lid line, even developing my own style. Once out of high school people started to recognize it as just that… style… and some even said they loved it.

First, I want to say my parents have always told me I am beautiful but, for some reason, it never felt validated… until recently. My housemate and my ex fiance and, today, a customer. I knew I wanted to be beautiful inwardly and felt that way… but the exterior… never really.

That, too, got me thinking of the power of words.

Months back I had a terrifying experience, one that grounds my belief in the supernatural and the spiritual world we blinded humans do not see. God’s Not Dead and neither are satan, yes the lower case is intentional, and his demons.

I awoke near midnight and my room was pitch black. I tensed as I felt a malicious presence with the literal touch of hands, one on my chest and another on my inner left thigh as a lover spooning me from behind perhaps would. My blood turned to ice. I was laying flat on the mattress. The physics of such a thing being possible was… impossible.

I tried to push myself up and the hands kept me in place. I placed my right hand over one and pried, feeling fingers bend backwards, but they were persistent. Suddenly my mind was racing and a prayer entered. I had no control of my vocal chords. I could not speak.

God! It was a desperate cry but I knew it was also a test. Suddenly I just knew. God, save me from my iniquities. Remove my sin! I thought it as loud as I could. The pain of the hands tightening and my fear became palpable, iron on my tongue. I felt the walls closing in on me and I pushed back I am a daughter of God and I will not be afraid.. I pushed at my fear, envisioning me closing a door on an unwanted guest trying to enter my house. The pain of the tightened fingers almost brought tears to my eyes and it felt the span of eons before they suddenly were simply gone and I jolted upright, free to move and speak again.

In Jesus’ Name!

My prior post God’s Not Dead I mentioned God speaking the world and creation into existence. Then I began to consider the power of speech. This is something we share with the Creator.

Romans 10: 9-10 NIV

If you declare with our mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved- for it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess and are saved.”

So often we read and say, how can a God do this? People wonder how God can be so cruel?

No! How merciful can He be?! One died for the many, and it was enough. Once was enough.

Isaiah 53:4-5 NIV

Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.

And for those of us saved that refrain from speaking out?! For shame! He came to save you, your neighbor, your rapist, your molestor. Not one, not myself nor anyone else is more worthy. Feel angry at those words? Then you are thinking in the way of the world.

We each have a story, a history, unique to us.

Jackie Kendall said something at a conference for women.

I belive God meant we are to forgive 70 x 7 times per offense.

Make sure you read that right…



I was frustrated, angry, and confused. How could this woman say something so ludicrous!

Because we are susceptible to this thing called doubt- the little voice, satan, inside our head that likes to whisper lies and tell you you aren’t worth anything, not good enough, not tall enough, skinny enough, beautiful enough. He also likes to revisit your past and wreak havoc on your senses because as long as you are scared he has you in his clutches. What best way than to hash and rehash and slowly cut at your self-esteem and your happiness?

John 10:10

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

With every recollection/reliving of that event our human emotions will well up and we will have to fight to stay afloat in the tumults of fear, hurt, anxiety, and sometimes physical pain. We, again, have to let go. It also comes with forgiveness.

Every time.

70 x 7 per offense…


Repeat like a mantra. How many times has God forgiven me for lust, idolatry, jealousy, and even self-pity? It is ok to have your downers because we are human- we will fail. But it is what happens when we do fail that proves our authenticity.

We can either get up because faith is a bicycle or we can wallow. It is in the times we are at our lowest we should lean on Him. He will start you on your journey again but He does not leave your side.

Live, Laugh, Love